new adventures

a new year always brings along new adventures. this past year brought on many - some good & some bad. that's how the cookie crumbles though, right? when you sign up for life, you know you're going to get kicked around sometimes then other times you will be so filled with the joy of glitter that you can't even contain yourself!

so what's my new year's resolution you ask? to live life with abandon. i know, i know...b. you be crazy! let me give  few examples: try things i never thought i would do (within reason of course. c'mon folks, it's still me). regret nothing. love with my whole heart. get a puppy (you hear that ricky! a puppy!). mess up a time or 2 & be ok with it. run a half marathon in a spandex suit with my favorite frenchie. kill it on the dance floor of a wedding or 2. y'all can fight over which one i bring my a game to. have at least one of my phrases catch on ("babe" hasn't caught on yet? ok, how bout "psych!"? no? hm...). buy something totally ridiculous that i do not need ever in my life. like a sequin skirt. but better.

this coming year will bring many new adventures - hopefully with more cupcakes, laughing until i can't breath, dance parties in my living room (i might be doing this right now) & sparkle than i can handle! giddy up friends!

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nye

i cannot even handle how adorable jgl is. seriously, i would let him hold me tight on nye. and maybe marry me. i'm just saying, i totally would.

stupid.

perfect holiday gift

i have found it my friends! the gift for that person that has everything. i know you have them - i certainly do. or that person that is incredibly hard to shop for because they are picky. or hard to please. or a hippie. either way this will please all! i present to you....

the gaga cookie! i mean, i sure want one. not a gaga fan? well, then feel free to get these...

the gaga monster cookie! i mean, it's not gaga...it's a monster. sure maybe gaga calls her beloved & devoted fans monsters but you're picky friend/family/creepy coworker doesn't need to know.

wings

butler

i have neglected you. i am sorry. very genuinely deeply sorry. i will make it up to you with one of the more embarrassing things that has happened to me in a hot minute. here goes....

2 weekends ago i was working on oak brook, il. yeah, it's the mecca of all things exciting & grand, i know. being a true minnesotan & not having the same directional abilities as every person from illinois, i simply plunked the event location into my gps & off i went. now being entirely too trusting of technology, i didn't realize said gps was giving me directions to this location through the service roads of a golf course until i was in the midst of the drive. at 5:30pm, which is code for in pitch blackness. rude. as i am about to pull up to the clubhouse to ask for directions, a colleague of mine pulls up next to my car & rolls down his window:

d: hey b, you know where we are going?
b: blast, no. my directions want me to take that horror movie of a service road.
d: yeah mine too!
b: ok, well ill just run into the clubhouse real quick & get some directions for us.
d:*pause* well....ooook....ill just follow you.
b: uh, ok then...

note: his response to my seeking directions was awkward & weird. i mean he is a little more awkward than the average bear but this was extra awkward.

so i roll up my window, driving up to the clubhouse & pull into the valet area, secretly hoping i won't actually need to get out of the car (bc i am eternally lazy) & the wonderful valet who greets me will direct me to my desired destination. no such luck. i hop out of the car, gracefully as i am no b.spears & was wearing a skirt, to run inside.

b: i'm just gonna run in quick, be right back!
d:*pause*ok...ill just follow you.
b: ok, weirdo...ill be right back.

running inside i am greeted by...nobody. awesome. i meander farther (did i mention that now i am late? oh yeah because i am.) past the dining room & into the bar area. thanks goodness! a bartender!

b: hi there, can you give me directions to said location?
bartender (who's eyes almost fall out of his head - must have had a booger smeared on my face): uh...sure...go back out onto the road, take a right then a right & it's on the right.
b: ok, great, thank you sooooo much!

i run back outside, relay the directions to my counterpart, who apparently can only say "ookkkk, ill follow you" & hit the road. sure enough, back on the road after a few rights, lo & behold! our destination. we hustle in & i proceed to set up the event. as i walk back i note that my previously speech-impaired partner is now shocking our catering sales representatives with some folklore.

b: what are y'all talkin about?
catering reps: uh...how you went INTO butler national golf course clubhouse!
b: oh yeah, it was so weird, my gps sent me through their service roads. no way was i doing that!
d: b...don't you know that butler is 1 of only 5 MEN'S ONLY EXCLUSIVE clubs?
b: i'm sorry...what?!
*laughter*
d: oh b, yeah that's super exclusive & men only.
b (red faced): d! why did you let me go in there then?!
d: i dunno...you looked like you meant business.

needless to say, women of much greater stature than myself have been physically removed from said clubhouse, valet parking circle & even member parking area. but not me...i like to break down the gender barriers one bad set of directions at a time.